What Women Wish Men Knew.

Grope, grope, how about it ..is NOT actually considered foreplay.

Published on May 9, 2004 By gothic impulse In Humor

Show me your tits ... is not a pick up line that works.

Women are allowed to use PMS as an excuse for anything up to and including murder ..... any man who suggests our bad moods are due to PMS is being patronising. Our bad moods are due to men.

The toilet seat thing DOES matter .... If you're at your place, we won't bitch. But when you're in our home, put the seat down, will ya? At 3 am, most of us don't check.

A 2 week headache....... is caused by male poor performance 2 weeks and 1 night ago - or by denying access to your credit card. The solution is in your hands.

Birthdays, Anniversaries etc are perfect times to demonstrate your skill at hunting.... and no, a new car battery or a Black & Decker do not count.

In girl-speak, "cute" is a good thing .....We've seen men go into full-body convulsions at this word. If we say you're cute, be very impressed

A Chinese takeaway and a six pack of beer .... is not our idea of a romantic evening in.

Faking it means you finish quicker..... Sometimes the experience is not worth prolonging. The solution is in your hands - and if you can't learn good techniques it will remain in your hands.

Intelligence is attractive ... Neanderthal generally is not. Save the testosterone bursts for when you're out with your friends, please.

Learn to understand subtle hints..... We use them to avoid damaging the fragile male ego.

We love flowers..... and back rubs

Size does matter ...Especially the size of your paycheck.

If you must fart in bed... there's no need to flap the cover afterwards and farting when getting a blow job ruins future opportunities.

Jess

Comments (Page 1)

dharmagrl

on May 09, 2004

Size does matter ...Especially the size of your paycheck

Yes, it does matter. Just wanted to verify that.

farting when getting a blow job ruins future opportunities

Again, yes, it does. It's a sure-fire way to get your BJ priveleges revoked for an extended period of time. Getting those priveleges reinstated takes a lot of ass kissing, sweet-talking, flowers, candy and expendable cash or available credit.

This was brilliant, Jess. I laughed my ass off at it!

JeremyG

on May 09, 2004

1. Show me your tits: We dont want to pick you up, we just want to see your tits!

2. PMS: Whats worse do you think? Dealing with PMS, or dealing with a woman who has PMS?

3. Why can't women remember to put the seat back up when they're done?

4. 2 week headache: The credit card can also be considered a reward....depends on your perspective

5. Cute. We just act offended when you say we're cute because it makes us more cute

6. If Chinese food and a 6 pack isnt romantic, perhaps you're just not open minded enough. An evening fooling around with chopsticks and lo-mein can be pretty romantic

7. Faking orgams: We dont really care that you fake them.

8. Intelligence vs. neanderthal...ok i agree with you.

9. Subtle hints: Men dont work in subtlety usually, thats one of the main differences between men and women. Perhaps after all these years you'd learn a communication method that actually works.

10. Flowers and backrubs. How bout dinner and blowjobs?

Draginol

on May 09, 2004

Indeed. The whole faking organism thing is weird. Men don't care. We're just not that sensitive.

gothic impulse

on May 09, 2004

Thanx for the comment Dharma ..I'm sure you have plenty of your own

AWW guys ..you know we luv ya

and some men do care ..the whole ego thing

Jess

MadPoet41

on May 11, 2004

The toilet seat thing DOES matter .... If you're at your place, we won't bitch. But when you're in our home, put the seat down, will ya? At 3 am, most of us don't check.

Jess~I think this is your BEST article yet! . I really did laugh out loud at many of the lines here. You are fast becoming one of my fave bloggers~I just like the way you combine sharp humor and intelligence, etc. Plus you just sound so REAL. I am very glad you wrote this. I think it needed to be written big time! Maybe a lot of dudes will actually remember a thing or two from this, huh? I know I will for sure.

And I also think it is cool that our two articles seem to almost go together? I mean, a lot of the wisdom in your article could really help the dudes out big time that wrote the clueless book I based my own article on: (What Men Really Don't Want Women To Know?) . So thanks for writing this one~I learned a lot about women (and dudes) from it big time. You really are a very fine blogger. THANKS AGAIN!

~MadPoet

gothic impulse

on May 11, 2004

MP .. thanks for your comments and suggesting I write this.
You are one of my favourite bloggers ..I love your articles and I really like how you always have a positive comment for everyone!!!
I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Jess

Erofee

on May 11, 2004

I received an email of a similar nature last week. It goes like so:

(If this looks as though i am hijacking the post, please let me know and i will remove it)

HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY

All you have to do is to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father figure
6. a teacher
7. an educator
8. a cook
9. a gardener
10. a carpenter
11. a driver
12. an engineer
13. a mechanic
14. an interior decorator
15. a stylist
16. a sex therapist
17. a gynecologist/obstetrician
18. a psychologist
19. a psychiatrist
20. a therapist
21. a good father
22. a gentleman
23. well organized
24. tidy
25. very clean
26. athletic
27. affectionate
28. affable
29. attentive
30. ambitious
31. amenable
32. articulate
33. bold
34. brave
35. creative
36. courageous
37. complimentary
38. capable
39. decisive
40. intelligent
41. imaginative
42. interesting
43. prudent
44. patient
45. polite
46. passionate
47. respectful
48. sweet
49. strong
50. skillful
51. supportive
52. sympathetic
53. tolerant
54. understanding
55. someone who loves shopping
56. someone who doesn't make problems
57. someone who never looks at other women
58. very rich

At the Same Time, You Must Pay Attention to Make Sure You:

59. are neither jealous nor disinterested
60. get on well with her family, but don't spend more time with them than with her
61. give her her space, but show interest and concern in where she goes

Above All It Is Very Important to:

62. Not forget the dates of:
* anniversaries (wedding, engagement, first date...)
* graduation
* birthday
* menstruation

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Let him play with your tits.

dharmagrl

on May 11, 2004

@ Erofee.....

9. Subtle hints: Men dont work in subtlety usually, thats one of the main differences between men and women. Perhaps after all these years you'd learn a communication method that actually works.

This I know to be true after having been let down numerous times because of my husband's inability to detect subtle hints. Now I'm blatant about things.

7. Faking orgams: We dont really care that you fake them.

Really? It doesn't put a dent in your male ego that you can't get your girl to 'o' for you? I've faked a couple of times..well, not faked exactly, just embellished a little. Hmmm. That's interesting...

crimson

on May 11, 2004

Really? It doesn't put a dent in your male ego that you can't get your girl to 'o' for you?

Then why is it so often asked afterwards? how obvious do we have to be?

gothic impulse

on May 11, 2004

HAHAHA Erofee ..I like that ......SO TRUE @ the make a man happy bit

Thanks for adding to the fun.

Dahrma ..I agree, with most men you have to state in simple, direct words and then keep your fingers crossed

Jess

Alf

on May 15, 2004

If they want the toilet seat left down just piss on it,that soon stops complaints.

gothic impulse

on May 15, 2004

Wow Alf .... bet the women love you !!!

Such charm and character !!!

BTW ..does anyone ever wonder why toilets have lids ......Maybe to CLOSE ..OMG what a novel idea

Jess

greywar

on May 15, 2004

Show me your tits ... is not a pick up line that works.

In fact when applied diligently, say 20 times a night, this actually will work. You just have to accept 19 slaps in the face to get what you want.

illusivedreamer

on May 15, 2004

do you have a prob with me copying this and sending it to a friend? This is better then all the others I have seen.

gothic impulse

on May 15, 2004

In fact when applied diligently, say 20 times a night, this actually will work. You just have to accept 19 slaps in the face to get what you want.

LMAO ...I admire your persistence

Jess

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