A woman and her boyfriend are out for New Years having a few drinks. While they're sitting there having a good time together she starts talking about this really great new drink. The more she talks about it the more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one. After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him. The bartender brings the drink and puts the following on the bar -- a salt shaker, a shot of Baileys and a shot of lime juice. The boyfr...

I awaken To nothing but darkness Pressing in on me My heart pounding Cold sweat forming Gasping for air I try to control the fear Reaching searching Finding nothing A single tear falls Realisation crashing in This is my fight And I must do it alone

I am so enraged right now. This is what a wonderful job our Child Safety Department is doing. What the hell were they thinking !!!! Bashed baby was listed as 'at risk' By Tanya Moore, Paula Doneman and Rosemary Odgers May 18, 2004 A BABY savagely attacked on Brisbane's northside at the weekend was being monitored by the Department of Child Safety only days before her assault. The three-month-old girl suffered six broken ribs, two broken legs, a broken arm, a broken collarbone an...

I am sitting here doing the one thing I hate ..feeling sorry for myself. I have the flu, I feel miserable, my Grandma is going into hospital on Thursday for heart surgery. I know she is scared even though she won't admit it. We talked on the phone for a while this morning, I feel so helpless because the chances are i won't even be able to go and be there with her because I'm sick. Thomas calls me " Sunshine " he says no matter how bad people are feeling I always know the right thing t...

Drop Bears - The Truth For those of you who do not know the facts about Drop Bears in Australia, I will tell you, so much as I know, as a warning to you and your family. Description The Drop Bear is described as an arboreal, (tree dwelling) carnivorous mammal of Australia, Phascolarctus Bityness, growing to around 4 feet in height. This description is not far wrong. Believed to have evolved from a similar line to koalas, Drop Bears vary from 3 to 5 feet in hight, but are extremely str...

Drop Bears - The Truth For those of you who do not know the facts about Drop Bears in Australia, I will tell you, so much as I know, as a warning to you and your family. Description The Drop Bear is described as an arboreal, (tree dwelling) carnivorous mammal of Australia, Phascolarctus Bityness, growing to around 4 feet in height. This description is not far wrong. Believed to have evolved from a similar line to koalas, Drop Bears vary from 3 to 5 feet in hight, but are extremely str...

Why the fuck do men say we are hard to understand? They are the most frustrating creatures out !!!! Try arguing with a male ...do they listen ..NO They ask what's wrong ..you try to tell them ...aaarrrrggghhhhh You get back something entirely different. I often wonder why there are any sane women left on this planet. I'm gonna go beat me had against a brick wall ..that has to be more satisfying than trying to resolve anything with a male !!!! Jess

I am just me. Why is it when people compliment me and I reply with those words and a thank you ....does it upset them? I'm not trying to put myself down ...I guess I really don't think about it I am just ME. I don't consider " wow I am really good at this" I am just being me. I am happy in my skin. There are things I am good at and things I down right stink at ..they all make up this person who is me. But it so gets to people ..I get told "why can't you just admit you are (insert what...

For hours we searched last night Looking everywhere for her bumhole We thouroughly searched her site And comments from every soul We couldn't find it anywhere WE searched high and low On our knees under THAT chair wondering where could it go How can it be so hard to find The pervs saw it straight away This is eating at her mind For it is a word she doesn't say I give up, there is no hope But what is she to do How is she gonna cope When she needs to do a poo To Mig in l...

For hours we searched last night Looking everywhere for her bumhole We thouroughly searched her site And comments from every soul We couldn't find it anywhere WE searched high and low On our knees under THAT chair wondering where could it go How can it be so hard to find The pervs saw it straight away This is eating at her mind For it is a word she doesn't say I give up, there is no hope But what is she to do How is she gonna cope When she needs to do a poo To Mig in l...

Can bald men get hair line fractures ? Jess Yea I know corny....but it tickled my funny bone.

Can bald men get hair line fractures ? Jess Yea I know corny....but it tickled my funny bone.

Keeping in with the Aussie theme we have running at the moment, I thought the computer buffs might find this amusing. Also explains my total lack of any and all things associated with computers. Log on - Make the barbie hotter Log off - Don't add any more wood Monitor - Keep an-eye on that barbie Download - Getting the firewood off the ute Floppy disc - What you get from trying to carry too much firewood Window - What to shut when it's cold outside Screen - What to shut in the...

Show me your tits ... is not a pick up line that works. Women are allowed to use PMS as an excuse for anything up to and including murder ..... any man who suggests our bad moods are due to PMS is being patronising. Our bad moods are due to men. The toilet seat thing DOES matter .... If you're at your place, we won't bitch. But when you're in our home, put the seat down, will ya? At 3 am, most of us don't check. A 2 week headache....... is caused by male poor performance 2 weeks and...

Show me your tits ... is not a pick up line that works. Women are allowed to use PMS as an excuse for anything up to and including murder ..... any man who suggests our bad moods are due to PMS is being patronising. Our bad moods are due to men. The toilet seat thing DOES matter .... If you're at your place, we won't bitch. But when you're in our home, put the seat down, will ya? At 3 am, most of us don't check. A 2 week headache....... is caused by male poor performance 2 weeks and...