Is it just me, or do other people out there have to use guerilla tactics to beat everyone else in their house to the toilet? In my house, they lie in wait for me. They can all be comatose on the couch, staring blankly at the idiot box. But let me open my bedroom door and it clicks a signal in someones brain ..an "OMG toilet" signal. As it is a shorter route to the bathroom from the lounge room, I am the one left standing outside the door with my eyes n legs crossed ... CURSING UNDER M...

For hours we searched last night Looking everywhere for her bumhole We thouroughly searched her site And comments from every soul We couldn't find it anywhere WE searched high and low On our knees under THAT chair wondering where could it go How can it be so hard to find The pervs saw it straight away This is eating at her mind For it is a word she doesn't say I give up, there is no hope But what is she to do How is she gonna cope When she needs to do a poo To Mig in l...

Can bald men get hair line fractures ? Jess Yea I know corny....but it tickled my funny bone.

Drop Bears - The Truth For those of you who do not know the facts about Drop Bears in Australia, I will tell you, so much as I know, as a warning to you and your family. Description The Drop Bear is described as an arboreal, (tree dwelling) carnivorous mammal of Australia, Phascolarctus Bityness, growing to around 4 feet in height. This description is not far wrong. Believed to have evolved from a similar line to koalas, Drop Bears vary from 3 to 5 feet in hight, but are extremely str...

A woman and her boyfriend are out for New Years having a few drinks. While they're sitting there having a good time together she starts talking about this really great new drink. The more she talks about it the more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one. After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him. The bartender brings the drink and puts the following on the bar -- a salt shaker, a shot of Baileys and a shot of lime juice. The boyfr...

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up put it down. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers. Anything we ...

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ....what? (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. Jess

The Creation In the beginning God created day and night. He created day for footy matches, going to the beach and barbies. He created night for going prawning, sleeping and barbies. God saw that it was good. Evening came and morning came and it was the Second Day. On the Second Day God created water - for surfing, swimming and barbies on the beach. God saw that it was good. Evening came and morning came and it was the Third Day. On the Third Day God created the Earth to bring ...

Show me your tits ... is not a pick up line that works. Women are allowed to use PMS as an excuse for anything up to and including murder ..... any man who suggests our bad moods are due to PMS is being patronising. Our bad moods are due to men. The toilet seat thing DOES matter .... If you're at your place, we won't bitch. But when you're in our home, put the seat down, will ya? At 3 am, most of us don't check. A 2 week headache....... is caused by male poor performance 2 weeks and...

Is it just me, or do other people out there have to use guerilla tactics to beat everyone else in their house to the toilet? In my house, they lie in wait for me. They can all be comatose on the couch, staring blankly at the idiot box. But let me open my bedroom door and it clicks a signal in someones brain ..an "OMG toilet" signal. As it is a shorter route to the bathroom from the lounge room, I am the one left standing outside the door with my eyes n legs crossed ... CURSING UNDER M...

For hours we searched last night Looking everywhere for her bumhole We thouroughly searched her site And comments from every soul We couldn't find it anywhere WE searched high and low On our knees under THAT chair wondering where could it go How can it be so hard to find The pervs saw it straight away This is eating at her mind For it is a word she doesn't say I give up, there is no hope But what is she to do How is she gonna cope When she needs to do a poo To Mig in l...

Can bald men get hair line fractures ? Jess Yea I know corny....but it tickled my funny bone.

Drop Bears - The Truth For those of you who do not know the facts about Drop Bears in Australia, I will tell you, so much as I know, as a warning to you and your family. Description The Drop Bear is described as an arboreal, (tree dwelling) carnivorous mammal of Australia, Phascolarctus Bityness, growing to around 4 feet in height. This description is not far wrong. Believed to have evolved from a similar line to koalas, Drop Bears vary from 3 to 5 feet in hight, but are extremely str...

A woman and her boyfriend are out for New Years having a few drinks. While they're sitting there having a good time together she starts talking about this really great new drink. The more she talks about it the more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one. After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him. The bartender brings the drink and puts the following on the bar -- a salt shaker, a shot of Baileys and a shot of lime juice. The boyfr...

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up put it down. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers. Anything we ...